Kerja...kerja

I came across an interesting blog thru’ Iffil’s.. (named Mrs Hatta) and there is one particular posting that kept me thinking.. its about a place where a wife should be…by the husband's and children's side.

I think I did in the past post similar thing about me being a wife, mother, worker.. I really, really envy those fulltime housewife. To name a few, kudos to Fiza, Fida, my cousin Titi Faiz & Wiwin..

I broke promise made to my son that once he reaches primary school, I'd leave my job to provide full attention to his education.. Not only I break the promise, I find lesser & lesser time spent with the children (and as if there is a distance since they keep nagging, wanting to spent more time at my parent’s house instead of going back to the Ampang with us).

Let me tell you my children (goes to all 3, Haziq, Nazurah & baby in tummy):-
• Ibu have got to work because I wanted to ensure that I can afford to give you my children the things that your grandparents can't afford to give me when I was small. This includes your monthly insurance premium & monthly savings. There is also some allocation for birthday celebration, aqiqah and perhaps for your future wedding budget too!!
Yes, your dad earns a lot (than me!).. but ibu would prefer being financially independent without having to wait until the pay day to receive the housewife “allowance” from ayah

• Remember, ibu is still supporting your atuk & nenek..? we bought them a car, pay for their medicals, their utility, their groceries..and we dine and stay/overnite at their house almost everyday? Somebody has got to pay for that, you know..
Oh yes, ibu has 3 elder brothers..(your uncles) but never ever questioned by saying that ibu shouldn’t be holding this responsibility..Ayah has always being supportive by not asking & I respect him for that.. and I’d expect you to do the same should anything happen to me..

• I have to settle my own debts.. ibu still owe those big banks the credit cards "hutang".. ibu did managed to terminate 3 cards this year, now left with 3 more…and one of the cards is for atuk being the supplementary for petrol.
I am fully responsible for this, dear. I wouldn’t want having to beg from your dad or anyone else over the debt that created by me.

• Even though our combined income (your dad’s and mine) should be more than enough for the 5 of us but,.. our commitment is also huge.
Like your nenek said, “besar periuk, besar la keraknya”.. you will understand this when you grow up. One little example would be the taxes, just imagine how many quit rent that both of us have to pay when it is due? You count the number of Assets Vs liability, you will know…

• Last but not least.. I have to work because of the above which is related to financial (aka money $$).. it has got nothing to do with career development. The achievement is as a bonus to me and I am glad that I have been rewarded accordingly..
I put a lot of effort in my work but don’t get me wrong sayang, ibu has never put anything above my children. I am proud of your dad being excel in his career but it has never been in my wish list.

One of the item that I would want to add to the list would be “sediakan payung sebelum hujan”.. and no one can explains it better that your dad.. Remember that we did not come from a golden castle & money doesnt grow on trees..

So please understand my situation my dear anak-anak, my heart aches every morning when I had to send you for school and leave the responsibility to nenek, atuk & bibik. And I shed my tears in the office toilet whenever I had to stay back late (which is almost everyday!)

Please forgive me for not able to be a good mother.. but I always love you.