Monday, November 23, 2015

Note to my mother

Mak, my apologies for expressing this. I never have the intention to break your heart.

Mak, You  wonder why don't I buy myself a brand new car…..
The 11 year old German stallion is still our pride despite of its age and condition... and the minivan that bapak is driving is still our happy ride.

Mak, you were asking why I wasn’t chauffeured driven like my friends..
Honestly mak, I would love too. Who doesn't kan ;p

Mak, you were asking why I do not buy designer handbags, wear expensive jewelery, branded clothing and all.
I don’t need them mak. I’m happy with my handbags though they are a little outdated. In fact I think I have too many of them already. They may not be Hermes and the fact that I do not have to pay for them indicates that I am blessed with love. Clothes? You know how kedekut-stingy I can be when buying my own attire (but not for the kids)

Mak, you were asking why I didn’t upgrade my house.
The truth is mak, the  house is already too quiet and feeling empty without you in it. I am sorry that the house can no longer accommodate your needs. I will arrange for a way so that the house is friendly enough for your wheel chair.

Mak, you were asking why can’t I live a life like the them..
Continuous upgrade of their cars, home, glamorous life, etc...
Even if I work harder I will not be able to reach there kot mak. BUT praise to Allah, our life is still much better than before….we can still afford to go for annual overseas trip and a nice makan2 kan?

Mak, I am sorry if I’m not able to meet your expectation.
I wish I could give you more.. like a business class seats for our every trip, a 5 star hotel for our holiday, chit chatting with you, take you for high tea every day, send you and bapak for umrah every year.

Mak, I have not once shed  tears in your presence since you got sick.
But I do weep in the car park, in surau or whenever there's no one around.

I pray that you will get well soon mak. Cepat sembuh and able to stand on your feet again mak.
It’s just killing me to see you like this. I just missed your Quran recitation after each prayer.
I promise I will not go emotional whenever you are dissatisfied with my little achievement.

I have always the one that troubled you so much. I may not display my compassion as the rest of the brothers but I do care. I may not be kind with my words at times and I do admit I am feeling a bit sad when you belittled my contribution..

May Allah answer all your prayers, shower you with His countless blessings, protect you always.
Love you mak.
Forever and always.
Forgive me for my wrongdoings and please do keep me in your prayer, like always.

Love always
Your only daughter

p/s: sorry I do not post our pic whenever we hanging out or holiday-ing, or express my words publicly like others.. Ini pun first attempt nih.I have failed miserably.

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