Most of my neighbors are housewife, recently another two more decided to quit their job. Being a working mother meaning spending less time with the children.
A full time mother raised me; my amenities were taken care of. My meals, homework and even school uniform are well organized.
I had understood the stressed faced by my son, Haziq. (My God! To think of it, he is only in his kindergarten years but even that I failed to perform my duties). I had to ask my parents to send him to school; I had to ask bibik to prepare his meals. I got home on average by 7.00pm during weekdays, by then he is left with only two hours to study and finish his homework with me.
I was in the office when these emotions came gushing like torrential rain, and without realizing it, tears formed at the corners of my eyes. My kids were still too preoccupied with other people. His parent is busy, too busy with their work! Haziq’s words this morning keep on haunting me, he told my husband “Ayah, please TRY to come home early today..”
Whenever I prepared breakfast or even cook a simple pancakes, my son would appreciate it by saying “ Ibu, you are the best mommy in the whole wide world”. (I wish I had recorded it every time he said that). Now with Nazurah’s presence, meaning less time with Haziq. This also means I now have two beating hearts inside of me.
Like other parents, I always want the best for my children, i.e the best education. During the last PTA meeting, of his classmate’s parents came to me and my husband and said “ my son cakap anak you kuat makan..”.I was telling myself “hey, it’s my SON that you are talking about!” but then again to think of don’t-sweat-the-small-stuff methodologies, I tend not to overreact. After all, there's no point arguing about another person's opinion. It's about personal sense and sensibilities. About our very own unique experiences. Hence perhaps it's better to reserve all the reminiscence among equals.
I guess I was being protective, over protective and fear that my kids will not be able to defend themselves without me.
My parents & in law have different ways of handling things, when I taught Haziq to inform the teacher if someone did something bad to him, my parents taught him to fight back. There was one time, he came back & tell me that he did exactly like what his nenek told him to do..”I told Megat; your mother is gemuk!”. (Surprisingly the atuk-nenek’s methodology works but ethically, I’d not recommend)
To my son Haziq,
believe me, Ibu have been there. I was made one of the greatest jokes in school, I was not the favorite niece that “those uncles and aunties” actually looked down and told me that I will never succeed (but you are lucky Haziq, you have the bestest uncles & aunties!).
With God swt’s willing, we made it! I have a beautiful family, my children are the best things that ever happened to me, I drive the bestest car,live in my used to be dream house, I have been around the world…
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives, sayang. If Allah allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never "fly"!
I became lost words at time, leave me in utter silence, as if searching for the souls somewhere deep within. I am not sure whether my husband is thinking about the same thing.
About the future of our kids.
And the interlocked hands while on our way to work signified a resilient, albeit silent vow.
A vow to do our part as parents; and to give our best, no matter what…
P/s : Hari ini emotional sikit…this was written in the office, thinking of the kids at home.